I will never ever be a critic unless I have calculated stupid contentious opinions (like the people who say Equilibrium is better than the Matrix or the people who say Garden State is watchable) so I’m going to tell you all about why you should totally make Admiral Sir Cloudesley Shovell number one (ignoring the fact their record comes out limited to 100 and will never ever sell more than some whiny x-factor shit smear cacophonising a classic that is played at shit people’s funerals). So, behold my unusual and contentious opinions!
What says xmass like an old Fearless Iranians From Hell song repossessed as a deck the hall hit? Nothing, that’s what. So good thing the suspiciously-quiet-of-late Admiral Sir Cloudesley Shovell have returned in the dying embers of this foul year of our lord to deliver a spectacular single for the xmass times. The Fearless Iranians From Hell song? Blow Up the Embassy, now of course repurposed as Blow Up the Christmas Tree, and with less politically incendiary lyrics (except to Bill O’Reilly). The jagged guitar lines and punching beat are perfect to get you dancing round the pagan symbol of new renewal, or xmass tree, as referred to as it is by stubborn cultural black-(ass)holes. It’s the season to be jolly, so I won’t deduct points for Shovell not really doing too much with the song. Whoever does get xmass number one, I will endeavour not to even find out, much less care if I accidentally do; it won’t be half as edgy as an xmass hymn that contains the lines “I want to kill myself” “I wanna hijack a plane”.
Want a copy? Be quick and make it to the Garage, London, on the 27th, and they’ll be raffling off the only 100 copies. You’ll also see Blood Ceremony who we also like (when Jex Thoth isn’t around).
Written under duress.