The only thing today stopping me from collapsing due to the spastic pain of a shattered spine was the red-hot fuel-injected caffeine-punch of Hey Colossus new album. Now it won’t come as much of a surprise that these Quietus darlings are good, because everyone and their fucking talentless dog-fucking writing spawn have said this shit is thee shit but I thought I’d throw my tiny ineffectual hat in the ring and say you’d all be best equipped going right over to MIE and shelling out whatever they’re asking (they should ask four times as much, and it’d still be a bargain) because the orchestral-staffed heavy-rockers have gone and done it again.
Never pinned to one style for long, it’s Megaton Leviathan-style hard-rock-psyche-metal that punches your cigarette, leaves you bleeding and scrawls “HC wuz 'ere!” across your Leckie Wizard poster in your arterial spray. The whole album is an orgy of that popular blues rock brand of doom that I suppose has grown like a club foot out of Jex Thoth and the like; proto-Sabbath imitations, most of which are shite, but Hey Colossus nail the beauty. Matt Pike imitations aside, this is gonna be one of the albums of the year. Cuckoo Live Life Like Cuckoo has ‘underground classic’ written all over it. This year’s Uncle Acid and the Deadbeats? Yoobetcha! But enough of my ‘im a riter’ clichés, let’s get down to brass tacks, how much for the ape?
|Hey Colossus at Supersonic 2012, photo shamelessly stolen from this Sleeping Shaman piece|
Y’all should go out and check out Peter Kemp’s reviews, this guy knows what’s going down. I want to share with you his insight into Hey Colossus in full. “After How to tell the time with Jesus is a song called Leather Lake and this is another one with lots of guitars and shouting in it. I liked this one a lot because it has a noise in it that sounds like a hearing aid makes when it's broken, I have hearing aids but I don't wear them very much because they keep falling out my ears and I don't think I really need them that much because I can hear fine without them.” Ya fuckin’ beauty. I don’t have anything more profound to add to this bass-heavy psyche-out hippie hypnotiser. There’s nothing in here that Stonerrock.commers will find world-rocking, but it isn’t the ideas, it’s all in the presentation and Hey Colossus present like a fucking champ, in full 7.1 surround with 1080p HD. There are soundscapes here that rival the lamentations of Bongripper’s Satan Worshipping Doom in pure pinned-to-bed heaviness. Cuckoo Live Life Like Cuckoo eclipses anything released this foul decade from the fallen-from-grace Ramesses and the latterday sins of Buzzo’s swollen and disassociated Melvins; there’s a pleasingly Sleep-like quality to the way they’ve made cufflinks out of their influences and simultaneously not let that pin them to one set of ideas. I like the way English Flesh breaks away from the slow-moving herd and runs for the hills, only to be chased down across the plains by rabid slavering attack dogs. Like the quality early Ramesses or Edinburgh’s own stonking Jackals, it keeps the gangrene-inducing tourniquet grip held for the duration, without ever losing resolve and giving you a big heavy-metal sucker-punch one-two. Hey Colossus are pleasingly evocative of a better time, when heavy metal could be unashamedly heavy. Also My Chemical Shitmance finally put the shotgun in their mouth and splattered their collective juices against the back wall, maybe they heard Cuckoo Live Life Like Cuckoo and figured they’d been caught red-handed?
Written under duress by Steven.